A film by Toby Wallwork


This film was finished back in May of 1998. From concept to completion it took us two months.
Hope you enjoy the script and if you like, tell us what you think about it. Cheers!

Official Selection: Newport Beach International Film Festival - 99

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Copyright © 1999, flickerFACTORY -film/video/digital-, All rights reserved.

FADE IN: EXT. LIQUOR LODGE - EVENING Two men are walking from the liquor store towards the parking lot. Bobby 28, and Griffin 27, Bobby is holding a brown grocery sack, Griffin appears to be speaking, using his arms to emphasize and illustrate. Bobby does not agree and shakes his head, it is clear that they are not in a heated argument, merely some idle chatter. CU BOBBY He gestures towards the car closest to them, and lifts the sack up and down, as if to say 'Open the trunk'. GRIFFIN (V.O.) That's Bobby. Noticing Bobby's actions but still speaking Griffin reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out his keys, he holds the alarm remote out and pushes it. There is no reaction, he stops talking and pushes it again. Still nothing. Griffin begin clicking wildly, jerking his whole arm as if it will add the flick that the alarm requires. He becomes a wild spasm of clicking. The car sits, unaffected, unyielding. GRIFFIN (V.O.) That's me, my name is Griffin. Griffin circles the car, he tries to sneak-up on it, then quickdraws the alarm remote, nothing. CU RED LED ON DASHBOARD The alarm endures. Griffin starts to crumble. Bobby looks about the lot, he is relieved that they are alone. Griffin stops, lowers his arm and casually walks back to Bobby, as if nothing had happened. Whammo! Slap shot! Griffin flicks out the remote gives it a sly click. Nothing. Griffin lets loose with a flurry of obscenities. Frustrated, Bobby grabs the remote from Griffin, holds it to his mouth, blows into it, holds it out and clicks. CU LED ON DASH GOES OUT CU LIGHTS FLASH FOR A MOMENT Griffin looks at Bobby, who shrugs and drops the keys into Griffin's hand. GRIFFIN (V.O.) Bobby is my best friend. Griffin takes the keys and opens the trunk. GRIFFIN (V.O.) But its times like these that I remember something, Bobby told me almost a year ago. He holds up the trunk lid as Bobby lays the Grocery bag inside. GRIFFIN (V.O.) It was on his birthday, we were heading over to Doug's house, just like we are right now. He closes the trunk. Bobby is talking about something. GRIFFIN (V.O.) He told me that every year, on his birthday he renews his 'best-friend' contract. He has done since he was a kid. Griffin unlocks his door, gets in. GRIFFIN (V.O.) Then he did a little laugh and shook my hand. He said "Here's to one more year", and shook my hand, just like that. Griffin reaches across the car and unlocks the passenger side and Bobby gets in. GRIFFIN (V.O.) I'd never really thought about it before, I'd just assumed that your best friend knew he was your best friend and vice versa. Bobby continues talking, Griffin slowly looks over to Bobby , clearly not listening, but thinking, thinking something that will get him into some trouble. GRIFFIN (V.O.) But ever since he said that, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. I'm under some kind of contract, legally beholden or something. Griffin starts up the car, looks back at Bobby. GRIFFIN (V.O.) Now the contract is almost up. Bobby's birthday is a week away. Now, he's a good guy and all. CU BOBBY, PANS OVER TO GRIFFIN GRIFFIN (V.O.) But, I bet I could do better. CUT TO: TITLE CARD "THIS YEAR'S MODEL" TITLE CARDS AND OPENING CREDITS CUT TO: EXT. DOUG'S HOUSE - NIGHT The car pulls up to the house. The two men get out, go over to the trunk, remove the beer, and pace up to the door. GRIFFIN (V.O.) Video night at my brother Doug's is a Tuesday night tradition. Each week, for years now, we've been getting together and watching some of the worst films ever put on tape. POV (GRIFFIN) DOUG OPENS DOOR Doug, 30 opens the door, his face lights up, greetings are exchanged. Griffin and Bobby step in. INT. DOUG'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Bobby gives the beer to Doug. He takes it and heads off to put it in the fridge. The living room contains two other people, TONY 27 and WAYNE 27. Greetings are exchanged. CU EMPTY FRIDGE The fridge opens, empty and sad. A case of beer is thrown in, the door closed. The fridge is happy. Doug returns to the living room. Tony, holds a video rental box up as if it were for inspection. Groans rise from the others, Tony holds up two fingers and says something along the lines of 'Part 2!' The picture freezes on a group shot. GRIFFIN (V.O.) These are my friends, contestants, candidates if you will. CU STILLS OF EACH PERSON IN THE ROOM, FINISHING ON GRIFFIN GRIFFIN (V.O.) Loyal, yes. Qualified, certainly. But only one, one of these men can be the best. Which one of the contestants will rise above the others, which one is... "this year's model" A few portfolios, a few sheets of paper, a few photos, all spread out on a desk. XCU SPEAKERPHONE GRIFFIN (O.S.) Wayne, Hey, it's Griffin. I was thinking coffee, usual place, two o'clock. WATCH FACE 2:11 EXT. STREET CAFE - AFTERNOON Griffin sits alone at a table clearly meant for two people, he was looking at his watch. He looks at his micro cassette recorder, shakes it and puts it in his jacket pocket. GRAPHIC: "#1 WAYNE" YEARBOOK PHOTO A manila envelope, pinned on the front is the picture of Wayne, inside are several pieces of paper and a couple of photographs. Griffin reviews the file. GRIFFIN (V.O.) Wayne Keener, age 27. High school Graduate, some college. Wayne is the assistant manager at Al's Animal Kingdom in the mall. Wayne likes include... Papers ruffle, the information is not forthcoming. GRIFFIN (V.O.) (grasping) Well I guess Wayne like animals... and he lives at home with his parents. Wayne arrives, plops down in the seat. Griffin turns the folder over and covers it with his hand. He checks the time, it is clear that he is taking points off for tardiness. Wayne does not seem to notice any of this. WAYNE First one here? Or am I early? GRIFFIN No, no your not early Wayne. The others aren't coming. I needed to talk to you about something. And I'd prefer the others don't find out about it. Wayne appears a mixture of curiosity and dread. WAYNE Uh, Griffin, I think I know what this is about. GRIFFIN (genuinely surprised) You... do? WAYNE (like he's hearing confession) I think so. I've been wondering how long it would be. To be honest I didn't think it would be you too Griffin. GRIFFIN (with some horror) Was it Bobby? Did he already ask you about this? WAYNE (like Barney Fife) No it wasn't Bobby. But if it had been the answer would've been the same. No. (beat) I can't use my employee discount at the store for friends. Griffin is confused. Wayne continues. WAYNE Not even family, Mom has to pay full price for Bobo's Cycle-4. When Al says 'discount is not transferable' I take those word seriously. Griffin gets it. Wayne raises his hand as if waving off a bribe. WAYNE I just can't do it Griffin, don't beg me. GRIFFIN But Wayne, Bobo is your dog too, couldn't you buy the Cycle-4 yourself and use your discount? The look on Wayne's face is as if it has been touched by light for the first time. GRIFFIN (continuing) But that's not why I called you here. (beat) I'd like to talk to you about being... He almost dreads to utter. GRIFFIN My best friend. The change is immediate, Wayne melts into something more like the puppy he sells at Al's. WAYNE Am I your best friend Griffin? Griffin is doubting the validity of his screening process. He chooses his words carefully. GRIFFIN Let's just say that there might be a vacancy. WAYNE Really? That would be great, I mean. I've always thought we kinda. He makes a motion with his hands. WAYNE Gelled, or y'know kinda psychic friends connection... Wayne's speech decays into random phrases. Griffin raises his hand to silence him. GRIFFIN Wayne, hold on just a sec. For the purposes of this... interview, could you describe some of the things that might make you a well. Make you a really good, best friend? Without a beat. WAYNE In a word, loyalty. I'm very loyal. I mean I've been at Al's Animal Kingdom for nine years, loyalty... Unsure of his answer, Wayne panics. WAYNE And my parents have a Jacuzzi, we could use it whenever we want. A triumphant parley, Wayne nods. GRIFFIN (frowning) I thought you said that the hat tub was busted. Wayne's mind rolls (slowly). WAYNE Uh, no. Actually its just that. You see...uh. Well my parents don't want everyone, and well its not that big you see and... Griffin cannot hide his disapproval. Wayne tries to save himself. GRIFFIN I think that's enough for now Wayne. Wayne senses that he has scored poorly. WAYNE Can I have another go? My Dad might be getting a satellite dish, two-hundred channels. Wayne crumbles. WAYNE I just don't test very strongly, ever since school, I get all, all all... Griffin dislikes this side of Wayne. GRIFFIN Really, its okay, you did just fine, you did. Wayne has a shimmer of hope. WAYNE Really? GRIFFIN (with a nod and an insincere smile) Really, I'll let you know. But for now, lets just keep this to ourselves, 'kay? Really, you did quite well. Wayne looks like he has just finished a marathon, dead last.
EXT. STREET - DAY Griffin and Bobby are sitting on the curb in front of Griffin's car. They are eating take-out food from styrofoam boxes. BOBBY (making conversation) So... waht've you been up to Griff? GRIFFIN (guilty.) Uh, Nothing, not much, really. What makes you ask? Bobby is foraging thru the food bits. BOBBY No reason. Urp! God, why do you let me get this stuff? GRIFFIN But you love Chinese. BOBBY But, it doesn't love me. Urp! Bobby drops his take-out box into the brown bag sitting next to him in the gutter. Stands up and stretches. He looks at the car. Griffin is still picking at his food. BOBBY Tell me Griff, when are we gonna finish fixing up this thing? GRIFFIN We? What do you mean we Kimosabe? BOBBY (cheeky) Well, I got to thinking. If I don't help you finish, it'll never get done. He throws a grin towards Griffin, who has just dropped his box into the bag. GRIFFIN Not so fast, I did some of the stuff. Bobby looks doubtful. GRIFFIN I got the alarm put in. He pulls out his keys and swings the alarm remote like a trophy. BOBBY The alarm... (snatches remote) This one? He clicks the button, many times, nothing happens. Griffin is defeated. BOBBY (teasing) Are you sure?... This one? Maybe this one. No no, this one. Griffin cannot hide the fact that he is amused. GRIFFIN Tony installed it for me. Bobby is doing a teasing 'remote' dance. GRIFFIN (continuing) Sometimes it works... I think its because of all the rain we've been... The dance goes on. GRIFFIN (continuing) Okay, okay can we go? I have an appointment. Bobby is waving the remote just beyond Griffins reach. He stops his silly dance. Hands Griffin the keys. GRIFFIN Thank you. He looks at the remote for a moment. GRIFFIN (continuing) (holding out keys) Can you do that... That thing? Bobby takes the remote, blows into it and clicks off the alarm. Without a word he smiles and hops around to the passenger side of the car, tossing the keys to Griffin. GRIFFIN (catching keys) How do you do that? GRAPHIC #2 TONY YEARBOOK PHOTO A manila envelope, its contents are splayed out over a table, Griffin tucks them back in and picks up the folder. GRIFFIN (V.O.) Tony Burgess, a self styled hessian in high school, Tony was the only one of us to actually go away to school after graduation. Returning after only one semester having accumulated virtually no knowledge of political science, his major, but having gained many 'life- lessons'. Tony enjoys watching television, talking about watching television, and telling stories that begin with the phrase 'when I was away at school'.
EXT. AUTO SHOP - DAY Griffin (with folder) walks along the front of an auto shop. Talks to someone inside who goes off inside. Moments later Tony appears, in dirty overalls, he wipes off his hand and shakes Griffin's hand. TONY Hey, how's that alarm working out for you? Griffin decides to lie. GRIFFIN Great, really, thanks again for that. TONY (with a dismissive wave, and a very bad Brando accent) S'okay, but one day I will come to you, and on that day I will ask youse for a favor, favor that youse cannot refuse. He makes the familiar, 'cheek scratch' with his right hand. This makes a black grease mark with prompts Griffin to look at his own hand and wipe it on his pants. GRIFFIN Godfather, yes. Very good, very funny. Uh, Tony I need to talk to you about something. Its kind've a secret, I'd rather you don't tell the others about it. Tony is nodding his head, paying attention. GRIFFIN (continuing) Its a bit awkward actually. Tony sweeps his hand in the air. TONY You don't have to tell me. (beat) You're gay. GRIFFIN What? No, I, I no_ TONY You're gay and you're in love with me. Listen you're not the first guy to misread my vibes y'know. GRIFFIN Vibes? TONY But I should tell you right now. I'm all about chicks man, all about 'em. And they are all about me Griffin. Griffin is only slightly amused at the misunderstanding. TONY 'See Griffin, I'm what's known as a man's man. I don't know if its genetic, like what you've got, or if its something you pick up. Guys pick up on that, they pick up on it, and they respect it. Yes, some men may even hate me for it, but what can I do? And some men, like you get a bit mixed up and think that maybe I'm, well maybe I'm like that way. Its a simple mistake Griffin, you shouldn't feel bad. GRIFFIN (irony) I don't know what I was thinking. Griffin nods as Tony speaks. TONY Now, I don't want you worrying. I won't tell the others if you don't. But I don't want you, y'know checkin' me out and having some kinda fantasies and stuff, cause its not gonna happen, don't even do that to yourself man. You just gotta fine tune that homo-radar or gay- dar or whatever you've got. GRIFFIN Gay-dar? TONY 'Cause with me its all about chicks, and not just one chick either, this one time there were these twins... Griffin has had enough. GRIFFIN Buy Tony, you haven't had a girlfriend the whole time I've known you. I've never even seen you talk to a girl. TONY (flustered about being cut off) Now, Griffin, you're just being bitter now all right? Now when I was away at school... CU LIST CONTAINING WAYNE, TONY AND DOUG'S NAME Tony's name is crossed out, repeatedly. CU MANILA FOLDER DROPS INTO TRASH ON FIRE INT. GRIFFIN'S APARTMENT - DAY Montage of various other friends as they are being interviewed by Griffin. GRIFFIN So, Brian, Brent, Eric, Craig... (Long list of names) ...tell me a little about yourself. Various friends relate why they should and could be Griffin's best friend. And at the end... GRIFFIN (CONT'D) (As he crosses out a name) ...I'll let you know. GRAPHIC: #3 DOUG YEARBOOK PHOTO CU MANILA FOLDER WITH DOUG'S NAME ON IT Griffin pulls out a stack of paper. GRIFFIN (O.S.) (after the sound of a phone ringing) Doug? It's... DOUG (O.S.) Oh, It's you, I was expecting you to call. I think you should come over. GRIFFIN (O.S.) Wha' is something wrong? DOUG (O.S.) Just come over. GRIFFIN (O.S.) Am I in trouble? DOUG (O.S.) Just get over here, or I'm telling Mom. INT. DOUG'S LIVING ROOM - DAY Doug meets Griffin at the door. GRIFFIN Wayne called you, didn't he? DOUG Twice, and Tony called. Something about you making a pass at him. GRIFFIN That guy needs help._ DOUG So what the hell is going on? Griffin collects himself. GRIFFIN Doug, you're my brother. But you're my friend too, right? DOUG ( (leading) Yess...? Griffin uses each word like a maneuver. GRIFFIN (slowly, trying to trick Doug) Would you say that you were, my best friend? DOUG Mmm. Best friend? No, no I wouldn't. A little shocked, Griffin continues. GRIFFIN Would you... like to be? Doug takes pause, thinks. DOUG No, no I don't think so. Griffin did not expect out and out rejection. GRIFFIN No? Why not? DOUG 'Cause you're a pain in the ass. Griffin is hurt. DOUG (continuing) Griffin, listen, I love you as a brother, but as a best friend you're a nightmare, an A1 total nutcase. I don't know how Bobby can stand it. There's no way I'd pull double duty. GRIFFIN (defensive) I'm telling Mom you said 'Doodie'. DOUG These, these are harsh words Griffin, but what kind of a best friend are you? Interviewing replacements, trying to upgrade. If Bobby found out, how do you think he'd feel. Griffin is six years old. GRIFFIN Lousy, I guess. DOUG Yes, pretty lousy. GRIFFIN You won't tell him will you? DOUG No, I won't tell him. Griffin gives himself a pitiful little chuckle. GRIFFIN If he found out he'd probably replace me. Doug's face turns grim, he has just worked something out. DOUG Maybe that's what Wayne called back about. GRIFFIN Wayne? DOUG I told you he called twice. The second call he asked for Bobby's number, said he lost it and wanted to get a hold of him before tomorrow night. GRIFFIN Tomorrow night? DOUG Tuesday... video night. Griffin snaps his fingers. GRIFFIN And, Bobby's birthday. I gotta go. Griffin springs up and dashes off. DOUG Nutcase! EXT. DOUG'S HOUSE - DAY Griffin is stymied by the remote for his car alarm, useless as ever. After a brief, almost tribal dance around the hood, he shrugs, opens the door, setting off the alarm. He hops in and drives off, alarm wailing. DRIVE-BY CAR WITH ALARM EXT. STREET CAFE - DAY Wayne is sitting with Bobby, Griffin's car screams by. They watch it go. They hear it stop. It reverses back. Out hops Griffin, he slams the door, the alarm falls silent. BOBBY Griffin, what're you doing here? WAYNE Uh, yeah. Griffin swaggers, as if he had caught his wife in bed with the mailman. GRIFFIN (nodding to each) Bobby, Wayne. What a coincidence. (trying to appear composed) Wayne I was just coming to see you about something at Al's Animal Kingdom. Wayne is nervous. WAYNE (aware that he is caught) Uh, I'm on a break. GRIFFIN (high and mighty) A break, good for you. A break. Yes, it must be nice to get away from the hustle and bustle of Al's Animal Kingdom once in a while. Oh yes, I bet it must really get to you. Wayne begins to crack. GRIFFIN I don't know how you do it Wayne. I mean the stress, animals, food, food animals. Keeping fully stocked with that chalk that parakeets like to chip away at. WAYNE (a whisper) Shill. GRIFFIN Shill indeed. How do you do it Wayne? Assistant manager and everything, I bet that there's nothing you'd like more, at the end of a busy day stocking up on Shill (beat) Than to relax in a hot bubbling, smooth out the knots... (shout) JACUZZI! Griffin scans Bobby and Wayne for their reaction. Wayne falls apart at the table, Bobby does not flinch. BOBBY What did you want him for Griff? GRIFFIN (building tension; groping for an answer) What did I want him for, what did I want him for? That's a very good question, very good, good question indeed. What did I want? Griffin looks at Bobby, then at Wayne, then back at Bobby, then back at Wayne, who is quivering with fear. Griffin speaks each word like a spear in Wayne's chest. GRIFFIN I...wanted..a.. XCU EYES GRIFFIN, BOBBY, WAYNE, GRIFFIN. GRIFFIN PUPPY! Wayne suppresses a shriek. GRIFFIN (quickly, trying to convince us that was what he meant the whole time) A little puppy dog, a puppy. For...your birthday, your birthday tomorrow. I wanted to ask Wayne to use his discount at Al's Animal Kingdom to get you a puppy dog for your birthday, that's it. Bobby and Griffin face Wayne, a wreck. WAYNE But...I...can't! I can't use that discount, I can't, I can't. Wayne breaks down and begins sobbing. Bobby is not quite sure what's going on, Griffin is triumphant. BOBBY I'm allergic to dogs Griff, you know that. GRIFFIN (with a dismissive sweep) Oh, that's right, I forgot, silly me. What would you like? BOBBY Well, I saw a nice microphone down at Ed's Microphone Kingdom. GRIFFIN Lets go! Bobby gets up, Wayne is still quivering at the table. Griffin holds out the remote, clicks it once, the alarm turns off (what did you expect?), he looks at Bobby who is also surprised. GRIFFIN Here's to one more year. They shake hands. Bobby crosses to the passenger side. GRIFFIN Uh, Wayne? Wayne looks up. GRIFFIN Why don't you come with us? Wayne waves a 'yes, go away', kind of wave, and collapses onto the table.

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