A film by Toby Wallwork
This film was finished back in May of 1998. From concept to completion it took us two months.
Hope you enjoy the script and if you like, tell us what you think about it. Cheers!
Official Selection: Newport Beach International Film Festival - 99
Copyright © 1999, flickerFACTORY -film/video/digital-, All rights reserved.
EXT. LIQUOR LODGE - EVENING
Two men are walking from the liquor store towards the
parking lot. Bobby 28, and Griffin 27, Bobby is holding a
brown grocery sack, Griffin appears to be speaking, using
his arms to emphasize and illustrate.
Bobby does not agree and shakes his head, it is clear that
they are not in a heated argument, merely some idle chatter.
He gestures towards the car closest to them, and lifts the
sack up and down, as if to say 'Open the trunk'.
Noticing Bobby's actions but still speaking Griffin reaches
into his jacket pocket and pulls out his keys, he holds the
alarm remote out and pushes it. There is no reaction, he
stops talking and pushes it again. Still nothing. Griffin
begin clicking wildly, jerking his whole arm as if it will
add the flick that the alarm requires. He becomes a wild
spasm of clicking. The car sits, unaffected, unyielding.
That's me, my name is Griffin.
Griffin circles the car, he tries to sneak-up on it, then
quickdraws the alarm remote, nothing.
CU RED LED ON DASHBOARD
The alarm endures. Griffin starts to crumble. Bobby looks
about the lot, he is relieved that they are alone.
Griffin stops, lowers his arm and casually walks back to
Bobby, as if nothing had happened.
Whammo! Slap shot! Griffin flicks out the remote gives it a
sly click. Nothing. Griffin lets loose with a flurry of
Frustrated, Bobby grabs the remote from Griffin, holds it to
his mouth, blows into it, holds it out and clicks.
CU LED ON DASH GOES OUT
CU LIGHTS FLASH FOR A MOMENT
Griffin looks at Bobby, who shrugs and drops the keys into
Bobby is my best friend.
Griffin takes the keys and opens the trunk.
But its times like these that I remember
something, Bobby told me almost a year
He holds up the trunk lid as Bobby lays the Grocery bag
It was on his birthday, we were heading
over to Doug's house, just like we are
He closes the trunk. Bobby is talking about something.
He told me that every year, on his
birthday he renews his 'best-friend'
contract. He has done since he was a
Griffin unlocks his door, gets in.
Then he did a little laugh and shook my
hand. He said "Here's to one more
year", and shook my hand, just like
Griffin reaches across the car and unlocks the passenger
side and Bobby gets in.
I'd never really thought about it
before, I'd just assumed that your best
friend knew he was your best friend and
Bobby continues talking, Griffin slowly looks over to Bobby
, clearly not listening, but thinking, thinking something
that will get him into some trouble.
But ever since he said that, I haven't
been able to get it out of my mind. I'm
under some kind of contract, legally
beholden or something.
Griffin starts up the car, looks back at Bobby.
Now the contract is almost up. Bobby's
birthday is a week away. Now, he's a
good guy and all.
CU BOBBY, PANS OVER TO GRIFFIN
But, I bet I could do better.
TITLE CARD "THIS YEAR'S MODEL"
TITLE CARDS AND OPENING CREDITS
EXT. DOUG'S HOUSE - NIGHT
The car pulls up to the house. The two men get out, go over
to the trunk, remove the beer, and pace up to the door.
Video night at my brother Doug's is a
Tuesday night tradition. Each week, for
years now, we've been getting together
and watching some of the worst films
ever put on tape.
POV (GRIFFIN) DOUG OPENS DOOR
Doug, 30 opens the door, his face lights up, greetings are
exchanged. Griffin and Bobby step in.
INT. DOUG'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Bobby gives the beer to Doug. He takes it and heads off to
put it in the fridge. The living room contains two other
people, TONY 27 and WAYNE 27. Greetings are exchanged.
CU EMPTY FRIDGE
The fridge opens, empty and sad. A case of beer is thrown
in, the door closed. The fridge is happy.
Doug returns to the living room. Tony, holds a video rental
box up as if it were for inspection. Groans rise from the
others, Tony holds up two fingers and says something along
the lines of 'Part 2!' The picture freezes on a group shot.
These are my friends, contestants,
candidates if you will.
CU STILLS OF EACH PERSON IN THE ROOM, FINISHING ON GRIFFIN
Loyal, yes. Qualified, certainly. But
only one, one of these men can be the
best. Which one of the contestants will
rise above the others, which one is...
"this year's model"
A few portfolios, a few sheets of paper, a few photos, all
spread out on a desk.
Wayne, Hey, it's Griffin. I was
thinking coffee, usual place, two
WATCH FACE 2:11
EXT. STREET CAFE - AFTERNOON
Griffin sits alone at a table clearly meant for two people,
he was looking at his watch. He looks at his micro cassette
recorder, shakes it and puts it in his jacket pocket.
GRAPHIC: "#1 WAYNE" YEARBOOK PHOTO
A manila envelope, pinned on the front is the picture of
Wayne, inside are several pieces of paper and a couple of
photographs. Griffin reviews the file.
Wayne Keener, age 27. High school
Graduate, some college. Wayne is the
assistant manager at Al's Animal Kingdom
in the mall. Wayne likes include...
Papers ruffle, the information is not forthcoming.
Well I guess Wayne like animals... and
he lives at home with his parents.
Wayne arrives, plops down in the seat. Griffin turns the
folder over and covers it with his hand. He checks the
time, it is clear that he is taking points off for
tardiness. Wayne does not seem to notice any of this.
First one here? Or am I early?
No, no your not early Wayne. The others
aren't coming. I needed to talk to you
about something. And I'd prefer the
others don't find out about it.
Wayne appears a mixture of curiosity and dread.
Uh, Griffin, I think I know what this is
(like he's hearing confession)
I think so. I've been wondering how
long it would be. To be honest I didn't
think it would be you too Griffin.
(with some horror)
Was it Bobby? Did he already ask you
(like Barney Fife)
No it wasn't Bobby. But if it had been
the answer would've been the same. No.
I can't use my employee discount at the
store for friends.
Griffin is confused. Wayne continues.
Not even family, Mom has to pay full
price for Bobo's Cycle-4. When Al says
'discount is not transferable' I take
those word seriously.
Griffin gets it. Wayne raises his hand as if waving off a
I just can't do it Griffin, don't beg
But Wayne, Bobo is your dog too,
couldn't you buy the Cycle-4 yourself
and use your discount?
The look on Wayne's face is as if it has been touched by
light for the first time.
But that's not why I called you here.
I'd like to talk to you about being...
He almost dreads to utter.
My best friend.
The change is immediate, Wayne melts into something more
like the puppy he sells at Al's.
Am I your best friend Griffin?
Griffin is doubting the validity of his screening process.
He chooses his words carefully.
Let's just say that there might be a
Really? That would be great, I mean.
I've always thought we kinda.
He makes a motion with his hands.
Gelled, or y'know kinda psychic friends
Wayne's speech decays into random phrases. Griffin raises
his hand to silence him.
Wayne, hold on just a sec. For the
purposes of this... interview, could you
describe some of the things that might
make you a well. Make you a really
good, best friend?
Without a beat.
In a word, loyalty. I'm very loyal. I
mean I've been at Al's Animal Kingdom
for nine years, loyalty...
Unsure of his answer, Wayne panics.
And my parents have a Jacuzzi, we could
use it whenever we want.
A triumphant parley, Wayne nods.
I thought you said that the hat tub was
Wayne's mind rolls (slowly).
Uh, no. Actually its just that. You
see...uh. Well my parents don't want
everyone, and well its not that big you
Griffin cannot hide his disapproval. Wayne tries to save
I think that's enough for now Wayne.
Wayne senses that he has scored poorly.
Can I have another go? My Dad might be
getting a satellite dish, two-hundred
I just don't test very strongly, ever
since school, I get all, all all...
Griffin dislikes this side of Wayne.
Really, its okay, you did just fine, you
Wayne has a shimmer of hope.
(with a nod and an insincere
Really, I'll let you know. But for now,
lets just keep this to ourselves, 'kay?
Really, you did quite well.
Wayne looks like he has just finished a marathon, dead last.
EXT. STREET - DAY
Griffin and Bobby are sitting on the curb in front of
Griffin's car. They are eating take-out food from styrofoam
So... waht've you been up to Griff?
Uh, Nothing, not much, really. What
makes you ask?
Bobby is foraging thru the food bits.
No reason. Urp! God, why do you let me get this stuff?
But you love Chinese.
But, it doesn't love me. Urp!
Bobby drops his take-out box into the brown bag sitting next
to him in the gutter. Stands up and stretches. He looks at
the car. Griffin is still picking at his food.
Tell me Griff, when are we gonna finish
fixing up this thing?
We? What do you mean we Kimosabe?
Well, I got to thinking. If I don't
help you finish, it'll never get done.
He throws a grin towards Griffin, who has just dropped his
box into the bag.
Not so fast, I did some of the stuff.
Bobby looks doubtful.
I got the alarm put in.
He pulls out his keys and swings the alarm remote like a
He clicks the button, many times, nothing happens. Griffin
Are you sure?... This one? Maybe this
one. No no, this one.
Griffin cannot hide the fact that he is amused.
Tony installed it for me.
Bobby is doing a teasing 'remote' dance.
Sometimes it works... I think its
because of all the rain we've been...
The dance goes on.
Okay, okay can we go? I have an
Bobby is waving the remote just beyond Griffins reach. He
stops his silly dance. Hands Griffin the keys.
He looks at the remote for a moment.
(holding out keys)
Can you do that... That thing?
Bobby takes the remote, blows into it and clicks off the
alarm. Without a word he smiles and hops around to the
passenger side of the car, tossing the keys to Griffin.
How do you do that?
GRAPHIC #2 TONY YEARBOOK PHOTO
A manila envelope, its contents are splayed out over a
table, Griffin tucks them back in and picks up the folder.
Tony Burgess, a self styled hessian in
high school, Tony was the only one of us
to actually go away to school after
graduation. Returning after only one
semester having accumulated virtually no
knowledge of political science, his
major, but having gained many 'life-
lessons'. Tony enjoys watching
television, talking about watching
television, and telling stories that
begin with the phrase 'when I was away
EXT. AUTO SHOP - DAY
Griffin (with folder) walks along the front of an auto shop.
Talks to someone inside who goes off inside. Moments later
Tony appears, in dirty overalls, he wipes off his hand and
shakes Griffin's hand.
Hey, how's that alarm working out for
Griffin decides to lie.
Great, really, thanks again for that.
(with a dismissive wave, and a
very bad Brando accent)
S'okay, but one day I will come to you,
and on that day I will ask youse for a
favor, favor that youse cannot refuse.
He makes the familiar, 'cheek scratch' with his right hand.
This makes a black grease mark with prompts Griffin to look
at his own hand and wipe it on his pants.
Godfather, yes. Very good, very funny.
Uh, Tony I need to talk to you about
something. Its kind've a secret, I'd
rather you don't tell the others about
Tony is nodding his head, paying attention.
Its a bit awkward actually.
Tony sweeps his hand in the air.
You don't have to tell me.
What? No, I, I no_
You're gay and you're in love with me.
Listen you're not the first guy to
misread my vibes y'know.
But I should tell you right now. I'm
all about chicks man, all about 'em.
And they are all about me Griffin.
Griffin is only slightly amused at the misunderstanding.
'See Griffin, I'm what's known as a
man's man. I don't know if its genetic,
like what you've got, or if its
something you pick up. Guys pick up on
that, they pick up on it, and they
respect it. Yes, some men may even hate
me for it, but what can I do? And some
men, like you get a bit mixed up and
think that maybe I'm, well maybe I'm
like that way. Its a simple mistake
Griffin, you shouldn't feel bad.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Griffin nods as Tony speaks.
Now, I don't want you worrying. I won't
tell the others if you don't. But I
don't want you, y'know checkin' me out
and having some kinda fantasies and
stuff, cause its not gonna happen, don't
even do that to yourself man. You just
gotta fine tune that homo-radar or gay-
dar or whatever you've got.
'Cause with me its all about chicks, and
not just one chick either, this one time
there were these twins...
Griffin has had enough.
Buy Tony, you haven't had a girlfriend
the whole time I've known you. I've
never even seen you talk to a girl.
(flustered about being cut
Now, Griffin, you're just being bitter
now all right? Now when I was away at
CU LIST CONTAINING WAYNE, TONY AND DOUG'S NAME
Tony's name is crossed out, repeatedly.
CU MANILA FOLDER DROPS INTO TRASH ON FIRE
INT. GRIFFIN'S APARTMENT - DAY
Montage of various other friends as they are being
interviewed by Griffin.
So, Brian, Brent, Eric, Craig...
(Long list of names)
...tell me a little about yourself.
Various friends relate why they should and could be
Griffin's best friend. And at the end...
(As he crosses out a name)
...I'll let you know.
GRAPHIC: #3 DOUG YEARBOOK PHOTO
CU MANILA FOLDER WITH DOUG'S NAME ON IT
Griffin pulls out a stack of paper.
(after the sound of a phone
Oh, It's you, I was expecting you to
call. I think you should come over.
Wha' is something wrong?
Just come over.
Am I in trouble?
Just get over here, or I'm telling Mom.
INT. DOUG'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Doug meets Griffin at the door.
Wayne called you, didn't he?
Twice, and Tony called. Something about
you making a pass at him.
That guy needs help._
So what the hell is going on?
Griffin collects himself.
Doug, you're my brother. But you're my
friend too, right?
Griffin uses each word like a maneuver.
(slowly, trying to trick Doug)
Would you say that you were, my best
Mmm. Best friend? No, no I wouldn't.
A little shocked, Griffin continues.
Would you... like to be?
Doug takes pause, thinks.
No, no I don't think so.
Griffin did not expect out and out rejection.
No? Why not?
'Cause you're a pain in the ass.
Griffin is hurt.
Griffin, listen, I love you as a
brother, but as a best friend you're a
nightmare, an A1 total nutcase. I don't
know how Bobby can stand it. There's no
way I'd pull double duty.
I'm telling Mom you said 'Doodie'.
These, these are harsh words Griffin,
but what kind of a best friend are you?
Interviewing replacements, trying to
upgrade. If Bobby found out, how do you
think he'd feel.
Griffin is six years old.
Lousy, I guess.
Yes, pretty lousy.
You won't tell him will you?
No, I won't tell him.
Griffin gives himself a pitiful little chuckle.
If he found out he'd probably replace
Doug's face turns grim, he has just worked something out.
Maybe that's what Wayne called back
I told you he called twice. The second
call he asked for Bobby's number, said
he lost it and wanted to get a hold of
him before tomorrow night.
Tuesday... video night.
Griffin snaps his fingers.
And, Bobby's birthday. I gotta go.
Griffin springs up and dashes off.
EXT. DOUG'S HOUSE - DAY
Griffin is stymied by the remote for his car alarm, useless
as ever. After a brief, almost tribal dance around the
hood, he shrugs, opens the door, setting off the alarm. He
hops in and drives off, alarm wailing.
DRIVE-BY CAR WITH ALARM
EXT. STREET CAFE - DAY
Wayne is sitting with Bobby, Griffin's car screams by. They
watch it go. They hear it stop. It reverses back. Out
hops Griffin, he slams the door, the alarm falls silent.
Griffin, what're you doing here?
Griffin swaggers, as if he had caught his wife in bed with
(nodding to each)
Bobby, Wayne. What a coincidence.
(trying to appear composed)
Wayne I was just coming to see you
about something at Al's Animal Kingdom.
Wayne is nervous.
(aware that he is caught)
Uh, I'm on a break.
(high and mighty)
A break, good for you. A break. Yes,
it must be nice to get away from the
hustle and bustle of Al's Animal Kingdom
once in a while. Oh yes, I bet it must
really get to you.
Wayne begins to crack.
I don't know how you do it Wayne. I
mean the stress, animals, food, food
animals. Keeping fully stocked with
that chalk that parakeets like to chip
Shill indeed. How do you do it Wayne?
Assistant manager and everything, I bet
that there's nothing you'd like more, at
the end of a busy day stocking up on
Than to relax in a hot bubbling, smooth
out the knots...
Griffin scans Bobby and Wayne for their reaction. Wayne
falls apart at the table, Bobby does not flinch.
What did you want him for Griff?
(building tension; groping for
What did I want him for, what did I want
him for? That's a very good question,
very good, good question indeed. What
did I want?
Griffin looks at Bobby, then at Wayne, then back at Bobby,
then back at Wayne, who is quivering with fear. Griffin
speaks each word like a spear in Wayne's chest.
XCU EYES GRIFFIN, BOBBY, WAYNE, GRIFFIN.
Wayne suppresses a shriek.
(quickly, trying to convince
us that was what he meant the
A little puppy dog, a puppy. For...your
birthday, your birthday tomorrow. I
wanted to ask Wayne to use his discount
at Al's Animal Kingdom to get you a
puppy dog for your birthday, that's it.
Bobby and Griffin face Wayne, a wreck.
But...I...can't! I can't use that
discount, I can't, I can't.
Wayne breaks down and begins sobbing. Bobby is not quite
sure what's going on, Griffin is triumphant.
I'm allergic to dogs Griff, you know
(with a dismissive sweep)
Oh, that's right, I forgot, silly me.
What would you like?
Well, I saw a nice microphone down at
Ed's Microphone Kingdom.
Bobby gets up, Wayne is still quivering at the table.
Griffin holds out the remote, clicks it once, the alarm
turns off (what did you expect?), he looks at Bobby who is
Here's to one more year.
They shake hands. Bobby crosses to the passenger side.
Wayne looks up.
Why don't you come with us?
Wayne waves a 'yes, go away', kind of wave, and collapses
onto the table.
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